Most peoples favorite time of year is Thanksgiving or Christmas, some people even love Halloween; but yesterday was May 4th, and that is one of my favorite days. Being from Kentucky, a lot of people might automatically assume Derby, although I love the hats and festvities surrounding said Derby, that's not why I love May 4th so much. It's my daughters birthday on May 4th! This day serves as a reminder to me how AMAZING the God we serve is. It's almost as if He serves us.
About eight years ago, I became the survivor of a brutal rape that ended up making doctors and tests believe that me bearing children was a no go. Upon this news I was so hurt, angry, but mostly confused as to why I was so sure that I was going to be a mother one day. My whole life the "someday, when I have kids" comments selfishly passed through my lips countless times. Now, I was stuck with the harsh "reality" that someday may never come.
I even went as far as giving my husband (fiance at the time) an out because I didn't want someone resenting me for the fact that I cannot give them something (or someone) that they too had always dreamed of. He flat out told me "no". So that was that, we would get married and not have kids.
As time went by, we would hypothetically talk about our kids, what we would do in certain situations, what would we say in particular times of their formidable years. But way deep down inside, I really did still think I was going to have a child one day. I still held on to the fact that science was telling us otherwise, and to not get my hopes up, I went with it, I was being "realistic".
People would ask us when we were going to start our family, and I'd always act like I wasn't ready for kids yet in fear of the truth. Then after confiding in my friend Lauren, (we were not BFF's at this point) she pretty much told me she not only didn't believe me, but she felt strongly in her spirit that I would be pregnant and soon. As "out on a limb" as I thought her words were, it was one of those situations where I needed someone to stand in the gap and intercede for me. She felt strongly about her faith and what God could do, so I felt strongly not only in God, but also in her.
Not two months later did I take a pregnancy test because the night before, I had a vivid dream that I took a positive test. Sure enough, I took a test on a Saturday morning and you guessed it, positive! I was beyond myself, at first I didn't even believe it! There I was all alone in my bathroom hunched in a corner with this positive pregnancy test and the directions, just for reassurance.
Telling Nate was fun and (after a few more "just to make sure" tests) he was elated! We both walked around the rest of that day and thereafter on a euphoric cloud! Doctor appointments not only confirmed the pregnancy, but allowed us our first ultrasound to witness such a miracle. We were able to use those ultrasound pictures to surprise family and friends with the news!
After nine and some change months, aversion to any type of meat, pitted edema, and sleeping with an added third party; a bed buddy, Ava was born at 5:07am on May 4, 2010. She has challenged me since day one and is the most intuitive child you'll ever meet. She speaks her mind and speaks to EVERYONE she sees. She has unlimited energy, a big heart and an even bigger brain. I am aware on a daily basis that not only her, but every child is a well planned, carefully thought out gift from God and are here as a reminder to us that life is so much bigger than what we make of it, and if for nothing or no-one else, we all must try our very best for them.
We celebrated Ava's 3rd birthday this past weekend, and look forward to many more! For in these past three years, I've learned more about life through the clear lense of a child than I have in anything else, and let me say, what a view! Cheers to Ava and Praise be to God. Keep that dream alive, whatever it is! God is love.
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