New beginnings

It's officially official! My permanent address is in D.C.! With the past 6 months of having my husband in D.C. working and prepping for me and Ava to come as I stayed back and finalized things; we are now "reunited and it feels so good!" Lol!
With the wonderful and constant support and packing help from "my person", Lauren, this moving situation wasn't as stressful as it could have been. Although I hit many walls of exhaustion and copped some attitude, Lauren still stayed around to help me work it all out! *thank you*!
My wonderful husband did such an amazing job painting our new place and loading, driving 10+ hours, unloading, returning trucks, going to work, AND still took me and Ava out on a date! I love you sweetheart!! *insert brownie points*!
Even though I am inundated with these boxes to unpack and I hit pockets of missing my mommy, it's so energizing to know that I am unpacking my future! Now don't get me wrong, moving to a whole new city is mortifying and intimidating; I'm going to have to put myself out there and meet new people, we are trying to find a new church home, and having to experience personal failures and triumphs. One thing remains true and that is we are so excited to live out the plans that we talked about even before we got married! Some people mentioned feeling like our move was so sudden, a lot of people are not aware that we have been faithfully praying about this move for 7 years! Plus, when God moves, the planning might be methodical, but the action is swift.
Every morning when I awaken, I have to remember where I am and then a feeling of terror sweeps my body and makes me feel like I'm going to faint because I realize how much responsibility God has trusted me with, then I get a wave of warm comfort because I realize how much responsibility God has trusted me with! So it really is all a matter of how I view everything! And I have to make the conscious decision to be positive, and when I can't, that's when I reach out to my inner circle that will and does encourage me!
Now all the praying and planning I've been doing for so long will be put to the test, but I've been studying and intend on passing with flying colors! Game on. God is love.

Intentionally intentional

What a busy couple weeks it has been! Very productive! As my time in Louisville quickly comes to a close, I find myself anxiously awaiting my arrival to D.C.!
A couple weeks back, my two friends John and Michelle Randolph dropped by my house to say "hi", what was supposed to be a quick visit, quickly turned into the entire afternoon! To say it was much needed would have been an understatement. The content of our conversation would probably not be deemed as "fun", but fun isn't all that friendship should entail. The conversation between the Randolphs, Lauren and I was the type of honesty most say they want in a friendship but never really do.
With a few initial awkward moments,everyones feelings were finally out and on the table and the findings were exactly what God orchestrated! The details of our conversation shall remain private only for the fact that everyone involved in the conversation was exactly who needed to be there, and others rely too much on "gossip" and "he-said-she-said" to decide how they'll treat another without going to the source in fear that it'll either be awkward or they'll be wrong. In friendship that should never matter, and this is my very public thank you to John and Michelle Randolph for being intentional!
At the end of the conversation, we all left with a tighter more honest bond and a better understanding of each other and what we are all personally going through.
It's comforting to know that even though I'll be in D.C., that I still have some (intentional) roots here that are willing to support me whether it helps them out socially or not.
In the end, it's not what or who is "on the scene" that should dictate the quality of friendship, but rather the hardest work, which is behind the scenes; rewriting, and editing. I am a firm believer in quality over quantity, because quality is what gets one edified. God is love.

10.11.12

My 28th birthday was this past Thursday, October 11. I'm not too big on my birthday only because we really never celebrated them growing up. You know, a "happy birthday" and maybe a card; then the day would go on as usual with the occasional family member fulfilling their obligatory birthday greeting. But over the past few years, I have been able to celebrate my birthday in different ways. Last year my husband Nate and a few friends planned an "Awesomely 80's" birthday party where I donned an extravagantly horrendous teal and sequined evening gown. Everyone dressed like a NKOTB (if you were born in the 80's no need for me to spell that out; you should know!) video and we had a house party and danced all night.
This year's birthday was alot more low key with selling the house and moving on the horizon! As my birthday was approaching, I had alot of time to reflect on age 27 and what the past year was like; that led me to make some birthday resolutions to bring in the new age. In a nutshell, age 27 was a year to shed . I researched shed online; The Free Dictionary defines the word shed as follows:
shed ¹v. shed, shed·ding, sheds

v.tr.

1. To cause to pour forth.

2. To diffuse or radiate; send forth or impart.

3. To repel without allowing penetration.

4. a. To lose by natural process.

b. To rid oneself of (something not wanted or needed):

 

That truly resonated with me because that is exactly what I spent my year doing. Getting rid of things, habits, people, and ways of thinking that were not needed. I was finally at a place in my life where I knew exactly what and who I needed to reach my optimal growth potential. Things were changing so rapidly that I almost felt like I was going mad. As tiring as it was, I am so glad that I lived out on a limb and had the support I needed when it came down to it. Through tears, worry, and stress, I learned alot about myself. Some good, and some not so good. These were strengths that I was able to play up and weaknesses that I could strengthen.

The year of 28 will be my best year yet, and so will every year thereafter.One of my birthday resolutions is that I want to try new things and get over any fear that I may possess. I am absolutely terrified of water,  I don't know how to swim and I believe that I almost drowned once, (Nate, stop cracking up, I really did!!!!) but I made sure that I got into a pool on my birthday and tried, as nerve racking as it was (trust me, I was a ball of nerves!) it was well worth it! I can't be an asset to others if I am not an asset to myself. There are absolutely no excuses for me to use anymore. Baby steps are better than no steps, so if I have to crawl to get over it, than so be it!

So far, 28 has come in like a lion, so many amazing things, people, and opportunities have literally come along since the age change, so no complaints here; that's what I prayed for, so I shouldn't be surprised! He did say "ask and you will receive" so I'm asking, and sharing! Is it time for you to do some shedding? Either way, it's coming, it's just better to be prepared so that you can get familiar and adjusted to your new skin and atmosphere! He did the ultimate shedding, which was His blood. God is love.

 

A Change is Gonna Come

I'm baaaack! (Lol, I'm impressed with myself to be honest!) This weekend was nice and relaxed. Nothing extra adventurous transpired, but alot of the time, that's a great thing! My Acer tablet stopped working, and I felt a bit handicapped. It seemed like I no longer knew exactly how to use a laptop to check all of my emails, blog, social media, and column. It was so crazy to me how much I personally depend on my phone and tablet, when I thought I didn't. I'm so sad. But it won't last too long. Me and Lauren actually went and helped my mom pick out her FIRST touchscreen Android phone......uh-oh! Tee hee! It made me laugh, it was so cute when we were helping her how hard she was touching the screen, assaulting it really. Ha! Love you mom.
So, one thing that is on my mind is "change". I always hear people saying "I've changed" or "He/she has changed" and alot of the time, it seems to be a negative thing. I don't think that it is. We take other people changing so personally.We are so consumed with conforming to whatever image that we feel is the most acceptable in whatever niche in society we are trying to be a part of, that we never were ourselves to begin with, usually well into adulthood. So now we are stuck with "faux" relationships and stretching relationships that were only meant to be seasonal.
Growing up being first generation American; it was already such a culture shock to be in a Haitian household and being surrounded by American culture/traditions. On top of that, my older (but again, younger looking) sister, and older brother and I went to an all white school system. Here were Haitian kids, surrounded by white kids that wanted to know about black culture; we wanted to know about it too!
So change really does become hard when you finally wake up one morning or come home from school or work one day feeling unfulfilled and honestly; fake. So you strive for making that "change", whatever or wherever that might be, when all the while you really are finally accepting and coming into yourself. I have found that over time, people already have preconceived notions of how they want you to act and what role they want you to play in their lives. When the boat gets rocked, it is hard to support if they never really knew the real person inside.
There were (and still are) so many things that I wanted to do growing up and into becoming an adult that I just didn't do for fear of everyone else's reaction. Some big, some small. Once I realized that as long as I am OK with decisions that I make spiritually and in regards to my main ministry; my family, everything and everybody else that didn't edify me fell to the wayside! It is scary, liberating, and allows you to move on to bigger things that not only involves you, but evolves you. Change does a body good, life is way too short to live scared. Go on and change!!!! Sam Cooke said it best "A Change is Gonna Come". It's my season of change, this is my formal announcement. God is love.

Pushing Positivity Automatically Negated Negativity

It is literally cresting on 5 months since my last (and second) post. That's weak. It's not that I didn't have anything to write about, I really have enough stuff that I could have written twice a day, every single day!
This summer has been such a wonderful growth experience for me, and the beginning of the fall is keeping pace. I have always been the girl that was around, at every social scene, or always hosting things at my house with my family. Well, I went on a (much needed) hiatus and the results were.......well, human. Many people that were always there socializing with me tapered off and really didn't tend to me emotionally. In fact, amidst the huge family change I went through, with my husband moving to DC before my daughter and I, there was vast lack of sensitivity shown. I can't say that it hurt more than it was annoying, ha! It really showed me how awesome God is and how great our relationship is, but more importantly, how I can be a better child of His. It also showed me not to put unwarranted expectations on individuals without consulting them first. I cannot be upset if I never taught someone how to treat me or have a *gasp* serious conversation with them! I am just as at fault than anyone else!
But my summer wasn't all negative, actually, there was more positive than anything!!! My hubby Nate and I celebrated our 6 year wedding anniversary in July!!! I just praise God for the growth that we've experienced, but more importantly, I thank God for the future that we have to look forward to and the continued growth!
My beautiful older (but younger looking) sister Wensa and her husband Nick, are expecting their first child!! MY NEPHEW!!! Ava has been telling anyone who will listen "baby cousin's a booooy"!!! The feeling of becoming an aunt never gets old, this is my 11th (yep, you read right!) experience and my daughter makes 12 in all!!! I love knowing that my kid(s) will be able to have cousins that they can grow up with and forge strong relationships with! I know I love my cousins!! *shoutout*
I was able to really hone in on my job as a food critic with my partner in crime Lauren! We were able to really experience Louisville and Louisville's food scene in a way that many people never will, it has been such a blessing! It has helped me to write some awesome articles for the Examiner, which has lead to eligibility to do even greater things!! I mean, I get paid to eat!!!
My two year old daughter started reading this summer!! I just love the girl that she is coming into, I would be lying if I said it is not without trials, but then I have to look at my personality and my mom always laughs because she says me and Ava are the exact same! I can appreciate and nurture that, to the best of my ability!!
There really is so much more, and I won't leave you guys in the dark, I just cannot write a dissertation and expect you all to read it in one sitting!! I had alot of choices and hard conversations this summer, and as hard as it was for me, it always opened up doors and most importantly hearts. My healing continues, and I know this just by the caliber of trials I am given to face, but that is how I know that God is love.

Me, myself and I

I am laughing at myself in alot of ways because I know it has been a few weeks since my first (and only) post. The reason? Fear. I wrote my first post, not that there was so much divulged about me, but it was still enough for me to retreat into just keeping everything in my head and my heart instead of writing. I. Love. To. Write. But at the same time, I hate it because when I write, that is when I have no inhibitions and write things that might be hard for me to see on paper, in my own writing!
I don't plan on what to write, I just do, and that is what I am doing now. I don't want to be rude, but I do want to be honest with myself and whoever may read this; I am at a place right now where writing is purely cathartic for me, I am not doing this for any other reason but to help myself and others who may not have the same platform as I.
The main thing on my mind and heart right now is relationships, of every kind starting with my relationship with myself. With our impending move to DC this summer (Woot, woot!) I have seen all of my relationships in a different light. It has been a growing experience because in many ways I am a people pleaser, but I cannot be and do that anymore. I am now in healing mode, if I want God to use me to my full capacity, I need to take my healing seriously and be fit for the race that is ahead.
Heal-ing adj. 1. curing or curative; prescribed or helping to heal. 2. growing sound; getting well; mending.
I always used the word but never deemed myself worthy of it. When I was in high school, I ran track, when I got hurt, I would have to sit out of my races and support my team, but I also had to go to physical therapy so that I can heal properly. And I did that, because I wanted run again, be an asset to the team. So I have been thinking to myself, why have I not done that emotionally? Having been the survivor of sexual assaults and sickness, I never ever sat out. I kept it moving because I thought that would dissipate my pain or better yet, people would think "Wow, look how strong she is!" What that was doing was putting my subconscious in a place of self loathing and self disrespect, which ultimately disrespected my Creator.
Time does NOT heal all wounds! It causes infection that can result in loss of function, grow into a larger more chronic state or death entirely. I was thinking that me glazing over my hurt would be beneficial to me and to those around me, but it wasn't. My pain had the best of me and everyone else was having the rest. I almost prided myself in the fact that unless we were very close, I could be having the worst day of my life and you would never know. I would be transparent enough for you to think I was doing great but keep alot to myself. So what changed that? Crucial,  in my face ,"I love you no matter what" relationships. I never experienced that outside of my marriage and certain family members, but thank God that I have that now, God is love.

Greetings!

Today is my very first blog post and I did not want to delay any longer! A blog has been on my conscious for around two years now (big love to my handsome hubby Nate and my amazing girlfriend Lauren for the support!) To be completely honest, I was apprehensive to start because of my own idiosyncrasies; procrastination, fear, comparisons to others, and so much more. It's not like I have this uber eventful life that will have the masses drooling for my next post, all I have is my day to day interaction with myself, family and friends! That will have to be enough, and I believe that it will be! After much prayer and careful consideration about what to write, I am ready to roll! I have had questions asked like, "What are you going to write about?" All I can say at this time is that I am going to write about me and whatever ideas God gives me to write, I hope that you will enjoy this journey with me and maybe even start your own!
It is pretty daunting to know that people may (or may not) be reading about my life at any given moment, but all I know is that it is also very liberating and accountable! The idea for me to start a blog came from Nate two years ago when I was pregnant and I quit my job to stay at home with our little girl. I'm pretty sure I gave him a crazy look but his belief in me was comforting. The more I thought about it and the things that I express at home and to close friends about reaching women, the more it made sense to me to be as transparent with the life that God has blessed me with! Titus 2:3-5 "Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the Word of God." So, this is the beginning of another piece of my ever-evolving puzzle, until next time, God is love!